Part 20: Parents

Suddenly he is there, the new boyfriend of my daughter’s father. I had thought that would never happen anyway, the gentleman in my household, for all his dating, was ultimately incapable of relationship, no one would ever get involved with someone who lived on meat broth, pickles and mayonnaise. And then I realize that I…

Paris. The sun was shining. I had to sleep for two days and forget the vacuum cleaner and laundry again. Milla slept just as well and for the very first time no longer in my arm, but next to me and already in front of me and I could turn back and forth on the…

There are things that don’t really exist. And certainly not in your own relationship. And then you hear yourself say: leave the keys and go! First it rustles, then it clangs, and finally your apartment door crashes into the lock. You are left alone in the bathtub in which you were just lying together. What you see is fog. Until you realize that this is really happening right now. And then you start to shiver. That was me, after seven years of a marriage-like relationship.

Italy up and down. In the meantime we were here so often that the view for the small pretty trivialities almost got lost. We lived with and belonged to it and yet not. At least I don’t. I felt the constraints that a daughter-in-law could get into, and yet I remained a guest, because that’s…

Wait. Test. Negative. This cannot be. Test again and again and just wait a few more days. And then the certainty and the shock. How can that be? Fucking shit! Two weeks of smoking and drinking and dancing again and then again and in the meantime even less exciting, but more consuming. It did not…

We sat on the bed, each on one. We had one more evening until then. We tried to pretend that we were ordinary tourists. Until I had to admit I hadn’t even read in my Lonely Planet. It was about something else and that was in the air and that was just madness and was…