In Berlin one day rest from each other, then another try, right after breakfast. Lie still, feet up. In Berlin, it was less exciting, but somehow also more comfortable. Then back to work. How was your trip? Super! Moscow is really worth seeing, the huge streets, the high houses, this icy cold. Quite an experience. Was I on vacation?
Writing a blog, presenting my life publicly and realistically, is a very foreign thing to me. Nevertheless, I decided to do it because I think that my family constellation is a special one; there are hardly any role models for such a model. Not that I now believe I am necessarily such a role model – but there is me and this story and perhaps it takes us a bit further towards an expanded understanding of the everyday. That is my concern. Like so many things, my story starts with a bang.
Man 1: down-to-earth, educated, wealthy. We were nervous, as if it was about the great love. The first phone calls with a shaky voice and a slip of the tongue in every other sentence. The first meeting was a hit. Coffee and cake on an outgoing summer day. Hug at the end, yeah sure, next…
There are things that don’t really exist. And certainly not in your own relationship. And then you hear yourself say: leave the keys and go! First it rustles, then it clangs, and finally your apartment door crashes into the lock. You are left alone in the bathtub in which you were just lying together. What you see is fog. Until you realize that this is really happening right now. And then you start to shiver. That was me, after seven years of a marriage-like relationship.
Since my daughter’s father has a new boyfriend, that’s nice for him. And I am happy with him. Of course. I like him. Of course, I’m a little envious. But yes, sure, I’m happy with him. That’s the way it should be and I really try hard. My being alone is not bad. Often enough…
At some point, the data became dull and if it hadn’t gone further, it would probably have stayed at a hey, and what do you do. So we set about getting to know each other (man 3). Dinners with friends and alone, at home and in restaurants, parties, short vacations, walks, movies, theater, museums, reading…
Sometimes it’s hard to convey that this is exactly what was wanted and a free decision that I don’t regret and is one of the most wonderful things in my life that I’ve ever done, that I’m insanely happy and this child is not the stopgap for a failed partnership and that there is certainly…