Part 13: Berlin I

Sometimes it’s hard to convey that this is exactly what was wanted and a free decision that I don’t regret and is one of the most wonderful things in my life that I’ve ever done, that I’m insanely happy and this child is not the stopgap for a failed partnership and that there is certainly…

Your wife, they said to Gianni. Your husband, they said to me. At first we didn’t really know what to say about it then, and sometimes we still didn’t know later. Gianni, however, had fun finding out. Tried and tested was: we are not a couple. Uh-huh. We were never one either. Ahaa. We are…

Wait. Test. Negative. This cannot be. Test again and again and just wait a few more days. And then the certainty and the shock. How can that be? Fucking shit! Two weeks of smoking and drinking and dancing again and then again and in the meantime even less exciting, but more consuming. It did not…

Outside the window, the first day had begun with continuous rain and a wind that still pulled through the autumn jacket. I started sneezing and felt the need for cinnamon stars and ginger tea. It was clear, it’s autumn.A strange feeling came over me, because autumn meant that Christmas was not too far away and…

… was already spring-like and housed us for two months. A daily routine set in. Lots of fresh air and lots of alone time. The other mothers had older children and had mostly returned to their desks. A week to the grandparents. Milla began to slur her words and because she was so fond of…

Paris. The sun was shining. I had to sleep for two days and forget the vacuum cleaner and laundry again. Milla slept just as well and for the very first time no longer in my arm, but next to me and already in front of me and I could turn back and forth on the…