Part 23: First moments
Contractions are no fun. No matter how big the child is. Not even in rosy hindsight. The experience of birth, however, is one of the most impressive in my life.
Two eyes, a forehead, the hairline, behind it black sticky wet hair, an open mouth, toothless and again and again this forehead, somewhat flat and rounded at the top and then Milla was already gone. And I was very relieved that she was taken care of. I was still in the delivery room, like all the other mothers after giving birth. And yet this was different, less romantic perhaps, and somehow I didn’t quite know what to do now. Something great had happened, that had overtaken me and I was still shaking and now it was good again and the calming came. And I knew there was now who or what and they were somewhere else and that was good. I wanted to go there gladly, but at that moment also not compellingly. For the time being, it was okay like that, after all, we were not more people before the big event and the missing person or persons were already missing, but not yet so massively. Gianni became the communication center and I was still trying to get my shaky knees under control for quite some time later.When the second moment came, I was sitting in a wheelchair in the semi-darkness and was driven to the neonatology department. There was beeping, there were glass boxes, blue light now and then. In the last room, at the very end, by the window, there was a box with a name tag that said: Milla. I sat in front of this box and saw a small person who didn’t seem so small to me. There was just everything on it. And I realized that I never expected to bring a great person into the world. It was as if I saw a featherless chicken and I immediately felt the need to protect this little animal. The best way was not to touch it. I did that anyway, but only for a short moment, and then I rather quickly closed the glass monster again so that my little animal wouldn’t get cold. My hand seemed insanely large. Gianni took what felt like 200000 photos and I just sat in front of the box and was totally happy that everything was as it was. Good.
